The Undateables

It's fast becoming the only TV programme I watch... The undateables.

I'm sorry but the programme was created to make people laugh, they highlight all the embarassing parts of being disabled and have turned it into a comedy programme. I feel awful for laughing but come on! Only last night the phrase "Yumtastic" was used and one of the least attractive men I have ever seen was convinced he looks like Johnny Depp? I don't understand why they would show this?

Anyway the cast of the programme got me thinking, i'm pretty sure they've all appeared in my inbox on Plenty of Fish (the dating site)

I had one man in a wheelchair contact me and ask me on a date, am I a disable-ist if I don't want to date someone who has tyres as feet? How would the sex work? How would he carry me over the threshold when we are married? (Although that one is probably a concern due to my arse size and not his wheels!) I just don't find myself attracted to anyone with a disablilty but i've nothing against them and would always be approachable if ever needed. I tend to feel sorry for them rather than see them as objects of desire? There is a chinese lad that pops into my place of work and he has ass burgers or something and it's so frustrating trying to string his sentances together? it took him almost fifteen minutes to explain to me who he was looking for. There is a gentleman with Autism who comes to my desk and chats to me for (what feels like) hours a day about bid tv and other shit that puts me off my work... how can you tell someone disabled you are too busy to talk? All these questions crossed my mind until recently... Recently I have joined these poor unfortunates in the 'Undateable' catagory.

I have a full body rash. My body looks like a map of hell. I have lumps on my head. I have an itchy moo (which actually made me google 'Crabs' even though i'm pretty sure it's impossible to catch them without a man... or a net!) I have elbows like fish scales and my hands have aged eighty years. All because of my change in bastard washing tablets. I'm scracthing and my eyes are running. I smell like Dettol and medicinal creams, I really am not only undateable but untouchable.

This leads me back to my Plenty of Fish inbox...

Should I reply to these poor souls and accept my fate? Until my rash is gone, my elbows are smooth once more and my eyes have stopped running should I date the man on wheels or the chinese dude with the stutter and ass burgers?

Sorry no. I just can't do it.

I shall keep my crabs to myself.

For now.