The Macklemore

I decided to join my friends on an Adult Only weekend at Butlins- Motown themed and it was the best weekend of my adult life (Magaluf when I was a youngster was pretty damn epic also!) I walked into the complex and there was cock everywhere. Not the animal- the male genitalia. It was incredible, these men were gorgeous. One hour away from home and I feel like I’ve strolled onto the set of Geordie Shore. With pink hair and a T-shirt saying ‘Dork’ I knew the sheer fact I was so adorable would bag me a hottie, I hoped.

Friday night I found myself drinking out of a dog bowl with a zebra, who accompanied me back to my chalet for vodka and a snog. I then kicked him out to return to partying with the girls. After some mad dancing to 70’s Motown we hit a club and I saw HIM.

Damian AKA Macklemore the Rapper!

He was dressed as a pimp. So other than lying on the stage with him holding his hand, I’m fuzzy as to what happened until we got back to the chalet. I knew I wanted him and I was going to get the 6ft 2 inched man into my knickers. My mother would have been so proud if she had seen him! Can I just say that nobody would bat an eyelid if I was male, but because I’m not there will always be people that judge me. Damian was worth being judged. After a night of love making with a huge lump of a man I was the happiest girl in the world. I zipped up my onesie, snuggled into his armpit and fell asleep.

Only to be woken up to a drunken friend who thought it was okay to snuggle into the other side of him. What a lucky pimp.

So yeah- turns out he is married and on the following night I saw him trying to crack on to a lady in a wheelchair. I’m sure she was a very nice lady but what has your life come to when you are ditched for an old lady who had legs that do not work.

Another dream shattered.